


Mercy Fun

by HumpyHeidi



Category: Yes Minister, Yes Prime Minister
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hate to Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:41:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22220485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HumpyHeidi/pseuds/HumpyHeidi
Summary: After 'the Key', Dorothy celebrated her triumph with Humphrey...Single Chapter.Chap2 is the Chinese Version of the same story.中文版在Chapter 2
Relationships: Dorothy Wainwright/Humphrey Appleby
Comments: 8
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe there is no Dorothy/Humphrey story in AO3, I wish there were more!  
> Again, it's my lack of ability that I couldn't take the story any further,(though God knows how much I meant to!)

Her stiletto stopped at the door, and Dorothy raised her hand to knock.  


Old habit.  


But wait! This is her own office. It had been her office, and though it became a waiting room later, it is now her office, though it had been a waiting room before it was her office for the first time... Oh dear, what rubbish was she thinking about? She must have heard too much from Humphrey today, so now her head was full of him driveling about the key in a language that was not English.  


But in the end, the way Humphrey in sorrow was, somehow, a little bit... endearing?  


Dorothy could not help smiling at the thought. She knew it was never easy to win Humphrey, so she made the most of her first victory. She told Jim that after asking the officials to get her office ready as soon as possible today, it should be Humphrey himself to return the key to her. Jim had a grin on his face, like a kid in a prank. He was a kid in a prank, wasn't he? So Jim agreed, and Bernard froze, a little shocked and a little frightened, for he knew that it would be his job to inform Sir Humphrey in the end. Although the PM stood by him, Bernard had been held down by Humphrey's authority for so many years that the fear of the Permanent Secretary had been tattooed to him. It would be good for the boy to be reminded that it was beneficial for him occasionally to offend the Cabinet Secretary for the sake of the PM.  


Dorothy took two deep breaths, tugged her golden wavy hair, and with a triumphant smile pushed the door open.  


Humphrey stood with his back to her at the window, gazing into the night sky above the Downing Street. He had changed into a fresh suit and his hair was back to its usual trim. No one could see that he had been climbing the wall and failed in broking into the window to cabinet office. At the sound of the stiletto, he turned his heels, smiled politely, and said in his usual patronizing tone, "My dear lady."  


"My dear Sir Humphrey," Dorothy seldom addressed him with that title, but today she felt like to be generous.  


"Here is your key." Humphrey walked steadily over, handed her the key.  


That's not right. Thought Dorothy.  


This should be her historic moment of triumph. Humphrey gave her the key as if a surrendering general give up his gun. He should have been gritting his teeth and throwing out a long sentence of hundreds of words, talking about avenge or something like that. But Humphrey was so …calm?  


Dorothy reached for the key and, without thinking, took Humphrey's hand.  


Dorothy had shaken hands with Humphrey before, of course. That was when the former prime minister was in office. But today she suddenly felt, Humphrey's hand was in a way rather…soothing?  


Perhaps it was the key in his palm, making Humphrey's hand soft and warm in comparison to the cold, tough metal. In Dorothy's mind, she had never expected Humphrey's hand to feel like this. Of course she had noticed Humphrey's hands. She was not blind and who could have ignored that? His beautiful hands, slender fingers, trimmed nails. She had wondered how much time he had dedicated into his hand caring, just like his hair style, turn out so casually good. Dorothy is a political adviser, and she's got that professional sense of fashion style. She was so sure that Humphrey's perfect appearance has nothing to do with casual. Nothing came randomly; each detail has been polished. He would have been contemplating about which hanky to go with which tie, and whether his cufflinks were matching the cologne atmosphere, with the same dedication as if he were poring over every punctuation mark in a government document.  


His cologne... Although she had always thought Humphrey was a vampire, supposedly reeking of hellish sulfur and blood, he smelled really good, always good.  


Dorothy did not realize that she was breathing in the aroma deeply, nor that she was still holding Humphrey's hand...  


"Dorothy? "  


She heard someone call her name in a voice that was both familiar and strange. Is that Humphrey? They were alone in the room, and his dark brown eyes were fixed on her. It could only be he that had said her name. But Humphrey never called her that, always the annoying "My dear lady," as if she were a brainless pet. No, Humphrey even treated the pets better. She had witnessed him talking to cats and dogs, always full of affection. She had also heard from Bernard that, even in private, Humphrey had never called her by her first name, usually by her last name, or "that bloody adviser" or "the impossible woman."  


So, why, at this very moment, Humphrey would suddenly call her by her name? And the voice could sound so…attractive?  


She was turned on by the triumph, but not the man in front of her. Dorothy told herself.  


"Oh, yes, Humphrey," said Dorothy, taking her hand back and put the keys into her bag.  


"Thank you very much, indeed." She looked up with her most confident smile. The smile should have been easy, but she felt unexpectedly challenged.  


"That's the least I could do for you." Humphrey said emotionless, lowering his head, probably in order to avoid more embarrassing eye contact.  


Dorothy knew that Humphrey was deeply hurt today, because Jim might never trust him as much as he had back in DAA. She was aware that it was Humphrey and Arnold who had sit Jim in his chair, the only glamorous chair with armrests in cabinet office. But she also knew that Jim's interests were exactly aligned with hers, not Humphrey's.  


Humphrey still stared at the floor, either waiting for a reply from her, or not quite sure what to say next.  


Dorothy’s eye fall onto his grey curly hairs, and saw a leaf the size of a fingernail there behind his ear, that he must had not seen when tidying up himself earlier.  


Her fingertips had barely touched the end of Humphrey's hair when he got electrified, grabbing her wrist, gasped and asked, "What are you doing?"  


Dorothy giggled at Humphrey's overreaction, pinched the leaf and said, "Don't panic. I have no intention to strangle you. I'm just trying to fix your hair." She held the leaf up to Humphrey's nose. "Look."  


Looking at the leaves, Humphrey slowly raised his eyebrows. However, this time, it was he who did not let go of Dorothy's hand.  


Eyes locked, and the air became tense and pressing. They could hear each other's heartbeats.  


Dorothy slowly loosened her fingers and let the leaf fall randomly. Still keeping staring into Humphrey's eyes, she reached over and cupped his cheek.  


Humphrey did not wince. He squinted like a cat, asking in the most soft voice that Dorothy had ever heard from him, "Dorothy, what are you doing?"  


"Humphrey, you know what?" Dorothy took a slow step forward, drawing them closer. "You are really charming when you don't know what to say."  


Humphrey gave a sneer, but did not flinch. "You mean when you think you have defeated me." he haven't let go of Dorothy's wrist yet. His eyes were saying something provocative, or even, flirting?  


Dorothy resigned to the fact that she was about to make a tremendous mistake, but the triumph over the Whitehall boss was so overwhelming that the temptation was irresistable.  


She put her bag on the table and grabbed Humphrey by the lapel of his suit.  


"What do you want, Dorothy? " Humphrey expected his tone to be low and angry, indicating threatening. But it turned out more husky and sexy, full of... desire?  


"You know exactly what I want, Humpy" Dorothy swallowed hard, her eyes linger from Humphrey's mouth to his neck, and she saw a noticable movement of Humphrey's adam's apple. Her fingers slipping down Humphrey's collar and pausing at the first button, she whispered "I believe right now, we want exactly the same thing.”  


"I don't want your mercy f..." Humphrey's chest heaved too, but he did not finish his sentence.  


"Mercy f... What?" Dorothy realized that it was Humphrey's upbringing that prevented him from saying the F-word, and it was hilarious. "My mercy fun? My mercy friendship? My mercy force? My mercy funk music? My mercy fairy tales? "  


"Oh FUCK!" Humphrey rolled his eyes and finally shouted out the word. Then he pulled Dorothy into his arms and began to kiss her with no more hesitation.  


"I knew you were straight..." Dorothy murmured when passionately kissing him back.  


"Shut up! You impossible woman."


	2. Mercy Fun 中文版

踩着细高跟鞋的脚步停在了门边，多萝西抬起手习惯性地准备敲门。  


等等，这已经是她自己的办公室了。这本来就是她的办公室，虽然又变成了等待室，但是现在是她的办公室了，虽然在初次成为她的办公室之前曾经是等待室……  


哦天呐，她在想什么，一定是今天听了太多汉弗莱说的话了，现在满脑子都是他狼狈不堪的模样用不是英语的语言说着自己没了钥匙。  


但是汉弗莱最后的那个委屈模样，不知怎么的，有点儿……惹人怜？  


想到这里，多萝西忍不住嘴角上扬。她知道自己难得压过汉弗莱一次，因此把这次的小胜利好好的利用了一把。她对吉姆说，得让那些文官们当天就尽快重新把她的办公室准备好，还得让汉弗莱亲自把钥匙还给她。吉姆当时那一脸坏笑，就像个参与了恶作剧的孩子。他本来就是个喜欢恶作剧的孩子，不是么？  


当吉姆同意了时，伯纳德呆住了，有点惊讶也有点害怕，因为他知道最终肯定是他去通知汉弗莱这个消息的。虽然有首相为他撑腰，但是伯纳德被汉弗莱的权威压制了这么多年，对常务秘书的畏惧已经是他的习惯了。看来以后得多多提醒这孩子，偶尔为了现任首相得罪一下现任内阁秘书，对他自己也是有好处的。  


多萝西深呼吸了两下，捋了捋自己充满光泽的大波浪，带着胜利者的微笑，轻轻推开门。  


汉弗莱背对着她站在窗边，看着夜幕降临的唐宁街，他已经换上了一身干净的西装，头发也恢复了平日的齐整。已经没人能看出来他刚才爬墙翻窗子无比狼狈了。听到了高跟鞋声，他转过了身，礼貌的微笑，开口的声音还是一如既往地居高临下：“我亲爱的女士”  


“我亲爱的汉弗莱爵士”多萝西很少这么称呼他，但是今天她觉得自己应该体现一个胜利者的风度，尤其是在对方颜面扫地之后。  


“这是您的钥匙。”汉弗莱稳步走了过来，伸出手把钥匙递给了她。  


这不对啊。多萝西想。  


这个时刻应该是她的历史性胜利时刻。汉弗莱交给她这把钥匙，就如同一个投降的将军交出了自己的枪一样，他应该咬牙切齿面红耳赤，扔出一个由几百个单词组成的长句子，说些君子报仇十年不晚之类的，而不是这么的……淡定？  


多萝西伸出手去拿钥匙，不由自主地，握住了汉弗莱的手。  


多萝西当然跟汉弗莱握过手，那还是前任首相在任的时候的事了她已经毫无印象。但是今天她忽然觉得，汉弗莱的手，特别的……舒服？  


也许是因为掌心有钥匙的缘故，在冰冷坚硬的金属感的对比之下，汉弗莱的手格外柔软而温暖。在多萝西的脑海里，她从没想过汉弗莱的手会是这样的触感。她当然注意到过汉弗莱的手，谁能忽略呢？那么美的一双手，手指白皙修长，整齐干净的指甲，不知道他花了多少工夫打理，也许就像他的头发一样，看似漫不经心。但是多萝西是一个职业的政治顾问，她当然明白汉弗莱的完美外形没有什么是随意的，每一个细节都是精益求精。他会像斟酌公文里的每一个标点符号一样琢磨自己今天的领带应该配哪一块方巾，今天的袖扣跟古龙水气氛是否一致。  


他的古龙水……虽然她一直觉得汉弗莱是个吸血鬼，理应散发着地狱的硫磺味和血腥气息，但是他真的很好闻，一直很好闻。  


多萝西没有意识到自己在深呼吸，也没有意识到自己握着汉弗莱的手一直没有放……  


“多萝西？”  


她听到有人喊自己的名字，这声音熟悉又陌生。是汉弗莱吗？屋里只有他们俩，而且他那深褐色的眼睛正直直地盯着她，只可能是他，说了自己的名字。但是汉弗莱从来没叫过她的名字啊，永远都是那句高高在上的“我亲爱的女士”，就像自己是个没脑子的宠物一样。不对，汉弗莱对宠物的态度都比对她好，她看到过汉弗莱对猫或者狗说话的样子，总是充满怜爱。她也从伯纳德那里听说过，即使私底下，汉弗莱也没有叫过她的名字，一般都是说她的姓，或是“该死的政治顾问”、“那个不可理喻的女人”。  


所以，为什么，此时此刻，汉弗莱会忽然这样叫她的名字，而且这声音还如此……悦耳？  


一定是胜利的感觉让我兴奋，而不是眼前的这个男人。多萝西提醒自己。

“哦，是的，汉弗莱”多萝西抽回了手，低下头把钥匙放进自己的包里，“非常感谢，真的。”她抬起头，摆出自己最自信的微笑。这个微笑本应该轻而易举，而她却感到没有道理的紧张。  


“这是我应该做的”汉弗莱说着低下了头，不带任何感情。多萝西知道他应该很受伤，因为吉姆对他也许永远不会再像以前那么信任了。她也知道是汉弗莱和阿诺德把吉姆推上了现在的位置，让他可以坐在内阁办公室那唯一一张有扶手的椅子里。但她也清楚，吉姆的利益跟自己的利益才是完全一致的，而不是跟汉弗莱。  


汉弗莱盯着地板，也许是在等她的回应，也许是还没想好接下来说什么，毕竟这样的处境，他也是第一次面临。多萝西看着他的灰褐色卷发，发现还有一片指甲盖大小的树叶在他耳后头发里，看来他刚才重新收拾的时候没有看见，她情不自禁地轻轻伸手过去，想把那片树叶拿下来。  


她的指尖才刚刚触到汉弗莱的发梢，汉弗莱就像触电了似的颤栗了一下，飞快地握住了她的手腕，倒吸一口气问：“你要干什么？”  


看到汉弗莱这么大的反应，多萝西笑了，捏住了那片树叶说：“别恐慌，我没准备掐死你，只是想帮你整理一下头发”。她把树叶举到汉弗莱的眼前，“你看”  


汉弗莱看了看树叶，眉毛慢慢扬起又落下。但是，这一次，是他没有放开多萝西的手。  


四目相对，空气开始变得沉重而压抑。  


多萝西慢慢松开指头，让树叶随意飘下。然后她伸手过去，捧住了汉弗莱的脸颊。  


汉弗莱依然没有松开手，他像猫一样眯起了眼睛：“多萝西，你在干什么？”  


“汉弗莱，你知道吗？”多萝西慢慢往前走了一步，拉近了两人之间的距离：“当你不知道说什么才好的时候，你真迷人”  


汉弗莱冷笑了一声，并没有退缩：“你的意思是当我被你打败的时候吧”他依然没有松开多萝西的手腕，眼神有点挑衅，抑或是……挑逗？  


多萝西意识到自己要犯下弥天大错了，但是战胜了白厅最高领导人的喜悦让她难以自持。她把包搁到桌上，另一只手伸过去抓住了汉弗莱的西服翻领。  


“多萝西，你想干什么？”汉弗莱以为自己的语气应该是愤怒的，但是话出口的感觉确更多的是……渴望？  


“你很清楚我想干什么，汉皮”多萝西重重地咽了咽口水，手指顺着汉弗莱的衣领往下滑，停在了扣子上，她看着汉弗莱的喉结明显动了一下，说：“我想，我们此刻想要的东西是一样的”  


“我不需要你的 mercy f…”汉弗莱的胸口也明显有了起伏，但他的话没有说完。  


“Mercy f…什么?”多萝西知道是汉弗莱的教养让他无法将这句话的最后一个字说出口，觉得这太有趣了，“Fun? Friendship? Force? Funk music? Fairy tale? ”  


“Oh FUCK! ”汉弗莱翻了个白眼，终于说出了那个词，然后一把搂过多萝西的腰，开始毫不犹豫地吻她。  


“我就知道你是直的……”多萝西喃喃地说。  


“闭嘴！你这不可理喻的女人”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 注 mercy fuck  
> 意为出于怜悯的平行慢跑活动


End file.
